Social Awkwardness Around Vampires

Another thing happened during my car drive out to Cleveland a few weeks ago. I re-listened to Sting's Dream of the Blue Turtles album. When "Moon Over Bourbon Street" came up, I remembered all those 1980s songs inspired by Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles novels (from 1976). I went online looking for a list of them, the Anne-Rice songs specifically and also songs about vampires in general.  

I have to say I don't find vampires particularly interesting, scary or sexy. I think this is because the first few vampires I was made aware of were in comedy moves like Love at First Bite and Transylvania 6-5000.  And because of the other sweet, kooky vampires on Sesame Street (The Count who loved math) and on cereal boxes (Count Chocula who could helpfully turn plain milk into chocolate milk). The vampire in all his or her incarnations seemed a bit too much. It's no unrelated reason that "energy vampire" has come to mean any annoying person who drains your energy. Vampires often came across as clueless and ego maniacal, albeit sometimes very handsome. 

And I only read the first three novels of The Vampire Chronicles (by then I was like, I get it) and like all modern vampire fare its melodramas took themselves very seriously. Which is interesting since the original Bram Stoker novel Dracula is considered to be so campy. This is likely why I like the comedies, and why Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement's What We Do in the Shadows, especially the movie but also particular seasons of the TV series, were so genre-busting and funny. That "too muchness" can be a drag or it can be funny. 

Werewolfs on the other hand. Those are scary! Personality transformation and everything. 

But since the whole Bad Boy thing has been killed off this month, its heart ripped out and incinerated by the bloody politics of the Manosphere, monsters are no longer sexy, end stop.

Which means we look back on these songs with both eyes open and not just one eye open like we did back in the 1980s when people were making musical tributes to "Interview with a Vampire." 

The Anne Rice Vampires 

1. "The Dog" by The Damned (1982)

When I talk about the Anne Rice books now, what people remember first is the character of Claudia or "that creepy kid." And this song focuses on the creepy kid from the point of view of potential victims. There's also a tenuous dog connection in the song I don't quite follow.

"Un-decayed for all eternity...Better stay away from Claudia." 

Good life tip there. Like the lifespan of vampires, this song never ends. 

 

2. "Moon Over Bourbon Street" by Sting (1985) 

This song focuses on those New Orleans streets in the novels where the subject vampire walks and worries about his plight and wrongdoings. "Now I can never show my face at noon" as if that's the worst part of the problem. 

The really haunting thing following us in this song is actually that damn clarinet. Go away!

 

3. "Forget Me Not" by Bad English (1989)

Remember the video? It's kind of hard to focus on the words when you're watching the video. 

I guess there's probably plenty to talk about here, although the connections to the Rice vampires are not straightforward: cross your heart, forbidden kiss, (that hickey that shall not speak its name), love from lifetimes ago, "shadow" is a handy verb to say what's happening here (as in "I'm just shadowing you"). Like "Bourbon Street" this is another vampire POV. 

But what I'm really looking for here is more birds flying around turrets (I love turrets) and glimpses of chest hair. 

This is my favorite in this genre I do not like. 

 

 

4. "Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)" by Concrete Blonde (1990)

Also directly references New Orleans and is basically about the trials of loving a vampire. 

"I got a lot to think about." 

Indeed. There's a lot of red flags here. Like literally.  

 

5. "Lovers Forever" by Cher (2013)

I had no idea about this song existing until it appeared on Cher's Closer to the Truth album. 

Apparently Cher co-wrote it for the 1994 Interview with a Vampire movie. Here's the full story. I never knew Cher was up for the part of Louis in the movie. And this inspired her to co-write the song for the movie with Shirley Eikhard (who wrote "Something to Talk About"). 

Apparently, Anne Rice thought the world was not quite ready for a homosexual subtext in the 90s movie and was amenable to the idea of the role of Louis being changed to a woman. It eventually went to Brad Pitt.

Anyway Cher said the movie people "didn't like it" and so she saved the song, eventually releasing it on her 2013 album.

"Lovers forever" is the familiar trope in vampire love lore, the eternal love story going back through lifetimes. Even Fright Night had it (another vampire comedy).  

This song is another vampire POV where Cher pitches nothing but upsides to the situation: 

"Imagine a life without death or disease / The kind of power to bring a rich man to his knees."

Hmm...sounds good so far. With an aggro sales pitch, (especially that dance beat assault), Cher offers agelessness, living like Gods, ecstasy, the kiss of fire...and "how many mortals who have drained their souls for less?"

Slow down, Wilomena Loman. I get all the benes; what's the fine print tho? 

Oy yeah, no more fruit salad or tacos. Or sunshine. 

I'm closing the door on this suspect offer.

That same year Cher launched her Dressed to Kill tour and she played a vampire swinging on a chandelier while she sang the song "Dressed to Kill." 

Here is the vampire video that introduced "Dressed to Kill" live:

And Cher played a vampire or two on the 1970s-era Sonny & Cher TV shows, particularly around Halloween.  

 

Dance music and vampires are not so unrelated after all. According to Binge Watcher, "for some reason, all vampire movies must have a club scene."  

And here is the ultimate vampire club scene as proof.

 

Also-Ran Vampires 

Some other songs not related to Anne Rice.

6. "Vampire" by Olivia Rodrigo (2023)

I actually really like this one, especially now. She goes right for the proverbial neck here. 

"How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about?"

Basically, a man as life-sucker. 

 

7. "Vampire Blues" by Neil Young (1974)

 Vampire as metaphor for oil merchant. "I need my high octane."

 

8. "Closer" by Kings of Leon (2008)

Basically, a woman as life sucker. 

"Two thousand years of chasing taking its toll."

 

9. "We Suck Young Blood" by Radiohead (2003)

 Nauseating by design. 

 

10. "Dracula’s Wedding" by Outkast (2003)

Dracula meets his match. 

 

11. "Bela Lugosi's Dead" by Bauhaus (1979)

Often credited with starting goth rock.

 

12. "Vampire Money" by Chemical Romance (2010)

Their song "Vampires Will Never Hurt You" (2002) has the great line "And you must keep your soul / 
Like a secret in your throat" but their song "Vampire Money" is even better, apparently making fun of bands trying to get songs on to Twilight soundtracks. 

 

13.  "Nosferatu" by Blue Öyster Cult (1977)

Going back to the original novel and creepy on many levels. 

 

14. "After Dark" by Tito and the Tarantulas (1996)

Sexy women vampires.

 

15. "Love Song for a Vampire" by Annie Lennox (1993)

This lilting gorgeous theme song has one of the best phrases about the animal heart to be found in music (or poetry): "It is the drum of drums," a line which sounded so Biblical to me (as close as it was to the Biblical "song of songs") that I tried to trace its etymology but got no further than the song's writer, Jamie Lenman of Reuben. 

Another lovesick vampire's POV. But pretty persuasive as vampire logic goes. 

Other vampire songs from in online lists (I got tired of this): 

• "Possum Kingdom" by The Toadies (1994) 
• "Vampira" by The Misfits (1981)
• "Baby Vampire Made Me" by Helium (1994)
• “Dracula Moon” by Joan Osborne (1995)
• "The Vampire Club” by Voltaire (2002)
• "No One Believes Me" by Kid Cud (2011)
• "Release the Bats" by The Birthday Party (1981) 
• "Read 'em and Weep" by Barry Manilow (1983)
  Like hanging out with vampires, I was tempting fate when I asked a search engine for a "Barry Manilow vampire song." This malformed thing (and we have Jim Steinman as the culprit again) was allegedly written as a vampire song. Being assigned this song by Arista so frustrated Barry Manilow that he broke off recording straight pop for about decade. (Thanks Jim Steinman.) Unfortunately this was right around the time I discovered Barry Manilow and so my first few concerts were hit-less, whiplash hours of sleepy jazz and broad big band numbers. Pleh.

Oh and...

Savage Garden allegedly named their band after words from Anne Rice's novel The Vampire Lestat (1985).

And I often disparage the crazy pop music titles assigned to music artists like hyperbole barnacles: King of Pop, Queen of Soul, Goddess of Pop (yes, even for Cher) because the practice is completely un-scalable. (But then again the biological vampire ecosystem is pretty un-scalable, now that you mention it.) 

However, I did invent a title once for Donald Fagen of Steely Dan. I called him the Vampire of Rock due to his prodigious canines. A friend of my responded in saying, "and because he takes himself so seriously he sucks the life right out of you." 

So...there you go. 

The final fangs are mine!